29 December 2008

On Resolutions, Regrets and Saying Goodbye to 2008.

Every year I do it. I promise myself a host of things--that which I am to accomplish, that which I wish to learn, that which I wish to forget.

This year? I'm going to promise absolutely nothing. I refuse to set myself up for failure, and I will not chastise myself for not doing all of the things that I should do, want to do, or have to do. Don't get me wrong, there are things that I want to do this next year, but I'm not going to hang the pressure of a fucking resolution on them.

Good lord, I am so far from perfect in so many ways. I need to come to terms with that.

Today, I sat with a friend in a Mexican Restaurant in Capitol Hill, and she said something that stuck with me: "I'm not going to worry about that--I'm simply going to live in the present."

I don't think that I have done enough of that this year.

This year was one of regret for a whole host of reasons. I don't want to rehash any of the reasons here. This is neither the time nor the place. Recently, I was told matter-of-factly that we "all live with regrets, and if you say something like 'Oh no! Not I! I never live with regrets,' then you are full of shit."

I'll have to agree with that statement for sure. But I do think that I'm leaving those regrets with the end of 2008. No sense in worrying about the past.

This year is the year that I won't look back on very fondly at all. It's so interesting because for some people this was one of the best years of their lives thus far. It really wasn't for me. And I'm okay with that.

There were some good moments, of course. There was one this weekend that involved hanging out in Columbia Heights with friends from Atlanta and San Francisco and remembering how nice it can be to sit around eating fish and chips, watching your friends drink English pints just shooting the breeze--what a phenomenally easy dynamic. These are people I'm lucky to know and have been lucky enough to get together with as a group a couple times. I hope we do it again
in 2009.

So here's to 2009, and to living in the present and letting go of past regrets.

I hope that each of you starts this new year brilliantly. And if it doesn't work out, there's always Chinese New Year for a reset. :)

Love to you all.


Essentially Me said...

Wow, you swore ... twice! I'm proud of you, chica.

I know what you mean about resolutions. I just feel like the entire premise of resolutions is a cop-out ... waiting for this imaginary starting point to start improving yourself or breaking bad habits.

The only thing I need to resolve is allowing people to get to me. The only person who knows what is best for me is me and I need to come to terms with things in my own time. There is no race. Everyday I am improving even if it's only noticeable to me.

I wish you all the best in 2009. Just follow your heart and everything else will fall in to place.

alot, alot said...

One of my favorite Son Volt... couplets?... is "when in doubt, move on / no need to sort it out." I think the first line fits well for this time of year and your live in the present mentality. The second line is what makes the first line so hard to do. Even when we move on, we need to do a bit of sorting out. But if we get too caught up in the sorting and not enough of the moving, we end up like the title of the song. Best of luck in your moving on in the present and a commitment, though not resolute, to avoid drowning.

Megarita said...

Yeah, if we can both manage to say NO more often and to say "worry about RIGHT NOW" more often, we'll be good. 2008...not sure how I feel. I think it was good. I always am glad to kick a year to the curb, though. Let's get a shiny new one!

finer thing said...

Yes, we cheered a lot for good things coming in 2008, and I'm not sure that it was the year that I wanted. Maybe things change more gradually than
I like, especially if the desired changes are big ones. I'm keeping my expectations far more modest for 2009 and perhaps, as Megarita says, that kind of in-the moment-thinking is where happiness best thrives.

Anonymous said...

I hear you..I also like what Essentially me said regarding and imaginary starting point for breaking bad habits and making positives changes. I feel this should be an ongoing process. Great post and comments from all


Mike Licht said...

You can do it.

Just use The Top Ten Best New Year's Resolutions Ever.