To My Upstairs (or is it Downstairs?) Neighbor: An Open Letter.

Dear Neighbor,

While I realize that watching sporting events on television can be both invigorating and exciting, I don't know that your yelling at the players while watching a game in your apartment is really going to spur your team on to victory. Your couch coaching is very entertaining to me. Sometimes I flip through the sports channels to guess what you are watching. Somehow, I think that you have special cable sports channels so that you can watch more games than the average Joe or Jane.

I'm really not annoyed by your yelling such things as "HOW CAN YOU FUCKING MISS THAT?" and "GET THE DAMNED BALL" at the television set and anyone within a certain radius who can hear you (i.e. ME), but I do wonder if you are okay up there and not urging on an early coronary.

You are a loud talker (I heard the Charlie Brown wah wah wah for 40 minutes during some conversation), a loud cheerer (WOOOO GO TEAM!) and an all around loud guy. (What's weird is that I never really hear you walk around. Huh) I'm sure that you're perfectly nice, and now I don't feel bad when my loud cranky elderly cat howls in the morning at 5:45 for me to get up and feed her. She's loud. Not as loud as you are, but she's loud.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this open letter other than hoping that the internets carry this message to you that yes, I am your neighbor, and no, I'm not angry with your loudness, but I do wish that you'd get out of the house and go see one of these games live.

Yell at those guys in person. Coach from the stands!

WOO. GO TEAM.

Best, loudest wishes!

MA.