17 October 2009

To Jenni and Cube: A long time coming.

I haven’t sat alone in a train station in several months. It’s different at 3:00pm on a Friday, then say, 2:00pm on a Sunday. The travelers here are commuters, going from Washington to Baltimore, from work to home, or in my case, from my home to my hometown.

In twenty-seven minutes I get on the MARC train to visit a friend and her new baby.

Toting new organic baby clothes and a strange internal optimism I haven’t had in weeks, I can’t wait to see this little girl at the beginning of her lifetime in one of my favorite places on the East Coast.

Right now, Washington DC could pass for Seattle or London. The skies are white gray and the rain is misting. You don’t quite need an umbrella, but it doesn’t hurt to have one, I suppose. The rain shifts from mist to shower, and at Union Station, the Burberry raincoats are out in full force. The temperature has dropped considerably and I have found that the effect is actually palpable in the people around me.

My students have grown weary and my colleagues tired and emotional. I don’t exclude myself at all. I have had trouble writing because of twelve hour work days and an office that is not nearly as efficient as it should be. I usually do not complain to supervisors when I find that others aren’t pulling their weight in my line of work, but this time I actually had to question a colleague’s work ethic in a letter to a director. My concerns are now on record. If it were up to me, this particular person in my office would no longer have a position within our department. There are too many people looking for work in this economy for someone to be so consistently lazy, complacent and intellectually boorish.

I have learned some things about myself in the last several weeks. I know that I appreciate those who are efficient and quick learners, and I have little ability to tolerate small talk and whining. A friend of mine gave me a sign for my door that says “I Hate People” and I am beginning to think that that might very well be the case.

I do know this. I miss writing this blog, and my reasons for stopping my writing have grown increasing less reasonable. I had no intentions to make this post so serious, but here we are. The levity will come. I really do have this indescribable optimism. There are sure to be some red-letter days ahead.

I think that this post is a result of the weather and a frustrating week.

Lest you think this post is all gloom and doom, with no promise of optimism, let me assure you that it isn’t. To me, the world is still a very fascinating place in which to live. People still surprise me. I’ve not grown cynical. If I had, I’d be disappointed far less, right?

This post turned into something more than I thought it would. It’s amazing what a rainy day, a train stations and then the lull of the train can do for me.

I'm so glad that you're both writing more and more again. It's nice to see parts of the old community returning to the fold. And it's good to see that some of you never stopped writing.


The Head Chickpea said...

To have spent an entire day revamping the blog, and countless hours in "HTML" hell, to have come out with nothing besides this post would be more than enough for me!

Thanks, M.A.! :)

Jenni said...

WHOOPS! The above post is from me...Too many blogs! ;)

suicide_blond said...